(142) What I gained from and learned from extensive long term narcissistic abuse

What superpower did I develop most from the long period of time that I experienced narcissist abuse?

A lot of loss and still to this day it is all about a competition for them and wanting to annihilate you. There is a lot of being alone, a lot of not being able to take care of yourself, a lot of suppression, containment, and abuse physically/emotionally. It goes further like a ring to cast this out on anyone that does not bide by them and if I am to be believed in by others then they will be treated like me. The super power I gained is or shall I say does not seem like this because even though I can be creative, for example playing the guitar, my studies, and to be friendly and kind. The trouble with a life of solitude is that what is missing is your potential for living, the hope in your goals are threatened, they have been abolished and there is a daily program of micromanaging set forth to keep control like this with all kinds of manipulating, exploiting, condemning, and bullying. My mom was to be done away with before the end of the year, and so was I. A superpower is not to survive this abuse without dying, nor is it the neural development in the executive center of the brain from staying rational under such a high level of emotional abuse. I have found this development contributes to experiencing a more assertive personality, it really is the looking within to make meaning, not taking your suffering for granted, which allows for knowledge to regulate emotion and wisdom to be gained. I am grateful that I stayed in alignment to my values while extending my education as I have researched and studied all along the way.       

This experience, the neural development, wisdom, and solid core identity I gained offers increased potential in the possibility for future implications that I can offer through my post conventional moral reasoning skills. The ability to give back in a multi-dimensional approach in countless ways at the micro macro level is very rewarding. My reasoning for going back to school was gratitude for my own life. I have superseded the goal of learning how it all connects, to gain knowledge in the effort to help others to reach their higher potential. This goal of going back to school is coherence to who I am at the core of my personality of who I am as a person. It has been a long journey of hard work and sacrifice that was intrinsically rewarding through self-accomplishment. Especially now that I have a lot to offer to give back, in my studies of empathy, human consciousness, human development, and empathy. If I can keep myself alive away from this abuse that I am experiencing, because once they have no need for you (selfish greedy aspirations) then they will just dispose of you. How I am handling this whole experience is the very example of looking within to seek deeper meaning, having empathy, compassion, human dignity, and using it to find acceptance of others through love no matter how they treat you or how they make you feel. Synonymous with a higher capacity of human/cognitive development and emotional intelligence, motivation, emotion, and behavior does contribute to structural neural development. Consequently, in its proper form an optimum functional state of the human organism can be experienced, and this is something that all human beings should be striving for.