(54) Bias- public image for the externally driven is personalized

In 2015 I started noticing being harassed and bullied. I was not sure where it was coming from, but later I noticed I had sent all kinds of emails to myself of the experiences I kept encountering that year. It wasn’t till much later that I realized it was coming from a newly appointed chief in Long Beach. The person lowered restraint and increased arousal right when he took leadership, and things have become more and more extreme ever since. The first experience was increased in between group violence. Us against them dynamics create the hated outgroup person then unify a cause from idealism to create unity in the ingroup all the while polarizing the group. This type of dynamic creates scenarios like groupthink where some members in the group deindividuate lose self-awareness and start acting in ways they never would neer act on their own. Seems like a rush become something bigger than oneself with high members of the department and members of the group with like-minded ideologies. Trouble is these are the dynamics that create in group cohesion as well, because not everyone wants to get all crazy and lean away from the ethics and values, and common duties that are specific to the job so they become a minority in the group.

Kind of like the tribalism and high level of unacceptance that is leading to the division of people in this country. People that allow for extreme ideologies to motivate them are often tied to several adverse behaviors. These behaviors are directed at others and as the folks become more addicted to idealism as if it were a narcotic then the behaviors become more and more extreme because of the fulfillment they receive from validation of like-minded individuals and acting on what they hate. Sadly, someone if not many have their rights annihilated along with their reputations hopes and dreams. I have been a slave and oppressed by these extreme views and dynamics even all through the year when so and so stepped down. I had to keep track then as well. In late January this year I experienced the displaced aggression it was my first semester off in 8 years from school and it was difficult to believe it was happening when your just minding your own business I am thinking there is never any respect even where it is due. At that time in my studies, I was looking at research that has found that a number one reason of displaced aggression is when the alpha male steps down from their position at the top of the hierarchy. Signs of weak coping skills, therefore an individual that is compromised struggling with tension and frustration. My experience is education gives more tools for me to discriminate my own thinking in a fashion that I can utilize this to understand others at a deeper level. Some do not operate like this even though they may not trust anyone they have it all figured out so there is no need for self- improvement or broadening the horizons through an increase of wisdom. Even more unfair is to take this close- minded approach that mimics neuroticism and look past democracy, the system of checks and balances, create exclusionary practices, and take matters into one’s own hands (unilateral authority), utilizing authority in an unrelenting authoritarian extreme nature like that of a dictator or tyrant.

So, what is it at the top some animal studies may help by looking at behaviors of our closest ancestor the baboon hierarchy. It is those at the top the aggressive males that are most stressed and bully on the nurturing types lower on the hierarchy. Seems the same way in modern day humanity just it is utilized by rank in the social order. People get paid big bucks should they be using it fulfill their own needs to reinforce their superiority by bullying and placing people on the social hierarchy to prod those lower on the pecking order to show off and for their own personal image and satisfaction. Someone with a big ego does need someone to separate themselves from to distinguish who they are. It really isn’t fair to be hated by those at the top when it must become a never-ending daily practice that this person cannot get enough of. Then as an outcome promotes in between group competition creating us against them dynamics that instigate political violence and contributes to hate crimes. Hidden and covert aggressive tactics by the ingroup get more extreme when the leader of the organization allows and condones these practices. This has been my experience, which is members that mimic those in groups within his own organization are the actual practices of behaviors that he pointed out and condemned in another organization. That was the claim and the fear that was used in public interviews that led to being hired into the new position. No wonder for the attack on my health and safety because I am concerned of the exclusionary nature of these practices that are very extreme in nature. The addiction never left, and I knew it wouldn’t because the individual’s personality is going to unfold through the dynamics of the job, which correlates to the traits of the personality through the behaviors that are portrayed. Is this to just kick ass and mess people up in the competitive manner I just discussed or to fulfill the underlying needs of a dysfunctional personality? Therefore what, how, and who promotes these tactics, and what motivates a person to sidestep the professional responsibility to such a high tenacity that they cannot let go and need more and more of the extremes to the point of threatening people’s lives in an evil fashion?

It was the day after the person was sworn in and I get a suspicious call right as I pull away from a job off Pine Avenue. It was at Dogz on second street and speaking through text the manager says the keg cooler is hot. On the phone already with his compaderes… yeeehoo lets roll. How convenient ended up being someone turned the cooler temp to 100 degrees the night before. I expect it was a way to get me down there as part of a smear campaign so someone can start bullying me and pushing me around again as soon as possible. Has not even had his new badge for 24 hours yet. The addiction is also social between members of the group, the idealism that surrounds it, and getting aggressive with people as part of superiority and a power trip. One comment was I can call anywhere, and everyone knows who I am. I have to write this out because I am continuing to have bad experiences and it is not going to go away, someone in a new place of power just feeds on it and messing people up and bullying them is just part of his lifestyle. Isn’t that what the leader is supposed to prevent in the organization that they are responsible for so that people stay grounded?

I am working on second street today (12/15/22) and I am sure these folks are chomping at the bit to get the smear campaign going and start attacking a person like going to church for these guys. It is external validation for the guy to have a bunch of people going around bidding his work for him. My take the person can be filled with hate and be driven to act on it, but the very thing is this is an innate emotion that drives the person and just like there is some that love, there are some that hate. Emotions are innate and people are compelled to act in the way that their emotions steer or guide them. Antonio Damasio in his book "De Carte’s Error" offers plenty of support that emotions and cognition are intertwined. But what happens when someone experiences being emotionally reactive daily? For example, aggressive male types that struggle with maladaptive stress response, or a person stuck in a negative emotional state of apathy that creates a vacuum which to fill this void a person may act implosively or explosively it is just a matter of time till something sets them off. At what degree is a person past antipathy and engaged in evil?

The amygdala, which is fear based- fear being a necessary component of anger may be compromised when a lack of control from disinhibition or being totally disconnected in the neural pathway between the higher conscious areas of the brain and the amygdala take place. This connectivity is needed for impulse control. This is found in individuals with the disorder psychopathy which is not a personality disorder but an impairment of one's physiological brain functioning. This sounds like what may be involved in a person that lacks a healthy emotional state, and instead is driven by evil tendencies. Now psychopathy is called antisocial personality in the DSM-5. Tendencies of this personality have a list of criteria from wearing a mask, superficial charm, a criminal enterprise, or a sadistic authoritarian that hurts others for their own personal sake (i.e., projection, false consensus) to curb a fragile sense of self and/or paranoia due to not having the ability to trust others. Due to lacking a conscience, empathy, remorse these individuals see nothing wrong with what they do, and instead see others as the problem. A delusion because when harming and maiming others becomes sadistic in nature and the person has lost touch of the humanity of others, and even their own through a loss of dignity it really raises a red flag of the threat of safety that they themselves impose onto others and even their own selves.

Sorry for the people that must be in the way of his whirlwind and path of destruction that he leaves behind because they will pay the price and he will be sure of it. Part of the personality and it is not a good one- malignant narcissism (i.e., narcissist, paranoid, antisocial personality disorder, sadism). This has been my daily experience, and why I had to start this blog in the first place. I always will write of the experience to journal as a way to cope with the negative experience, and I never intend to post on the blog until the negative experiences reach the point of going to far then I post them. This happened yesterday and my stomach is sensitive once again the other side effects as well; ears ringing cannot sleep feel out of sorts that if I do anything could make matters worse. I emailed this one to myself weeks ago and it seems the assaults directed at me with the food seem to have gotten worse wherever I go so I just add to it because once again they have gone to far. This is the problem they always go too far. The guy gets his new position December 2022 and it is like all over 2015 again can’t wait to start bullying and pushing me around. Sound like a deeply embedded hatred for me? I think one difference this time around is all the props and high talk of the L.A. city council members about the high regard of his character. Does this create more frustration or pressure for him, and how does this affect the outlets of the choices he makes? It seems like a compounded maladaptive nature that has led to the pathology, for example, doing it all for the wrong reasons. Where a more functional approach could allow for more stability without all the anger and aggression.

I am experiencing a narcissistic abuse cycle. I journal or talk to myself in my car or at home of the negative experience (i.e., freedom of speech) I have encountered, then here comes another lashing. Showing that I am a subordinate and inferior to their superiority and power that he has over me, so I then I get punished (food assaults). Then due to the unexplainable irrational nature of the extremity of the behavioral abuses directed at me experience that is a form of abuse and trauma then I am shocked. It is a betrayal to be treated in such a way. So, I call them out again (i.e., this post) questioning the behaviors, for example, where is the moral conscience or dignity that is needed as humans or the ethics which are all a prerequisite to drawing a line instead of continually crossing it. There has never been a line not ethics or rights that I have seen. My human and constitutional rights are continually being broken, but even more concerning is this abuse cycle that never goes away, the lack of reasoning behind it. The toxic substance that continues to give side effects varies but is often caustic in nature and damaging to my health. Like what I experienced yesterday.

I am so bummed. I have all growing up looked up too and have so much respect for all the people that ever wore that uniform, and even was in search & rescue and had an application filled out for the job when I was 21 but decided not to submit it. Also, I have worked so hard to get to this genuine self with a high potential and desire for learning it is supposed to be a great future for me, but my 40’s-60’s are almost gone and with these assaults on my health I will not be around much longer either. I have been under siege, threat and constantly experiencing being hunted down and experience side effects from practices I have mentioned in prior posts. Either way with NPD personality also come OCD, and these thoughts are often ego syntonic coupled with the traits of this type of this personality which means an individual is not aware of incoming anxiety driven doomsday thoughts, therefore lack controlled thinking.

Therefore, this blog exists it can help where people that need help that do not get it, but instead hurt others without being able to control or regulate their behaviors can be made to get help. This is important for the purpose of preventing any more people from needlessly having to experience the wrath of this guy and the people that chose to follow him.

Thoughts are a derivative of action, therefore if I am under constant threat of my health then why? People get paid good money to remain grounded in the professional duties that are expected of them. This post accounts for some variables of why some lose their way while others do not.

If I am made to succumb from these practices, then how do we prevent from this kind of atrocity from ever happening again to someone else?

I am sure that it comes from the leaders that we stick in the organizations. James McDonnel was here in L.B. for three years and these practices subsided during this time. He is an internally driven leader that operates from a bottom-up style hierarchy that is not about himself but to keep and uphold the integrity of the organization at all costs. This value driven type does not need reinforcement from adverse behaviors because he gets his balance and stability by following the code of ethics for everyone across the board EQUALLY. Big difference from a top-down driven hierarchy and an externally driven individual that lost compassion and empathy long ago has not only to understand his own self but to understand others as well.

Another question I find important is that these organizations keep track of how many people die, but instead what about the idea of keeping track of how many people have lived and even more important the reasons why?

This comes from case studies and the experience gained when practice’s account for the big picture and are not one-sided and biased. It is nice to have a successful organization, but when the leader see’s the success of the organization through the lens of how outcomes affect him personally this is selfish and greedy which often becomes a lose/lose scenario for everyone but him.

It would take a non-biased value driven different approach that would have to steer away from categorical thinking or at least be willing to distinguish between two different facts within the same category. This approach would require stepping outside one’s own bucket of expertise (and ego) and look at the bigger picture, for example the human condition. A more holistic approach that look at folks from a multi-dimensional approach that includes individual differences unique to each person rather than what is assumed, predicted, and expected of the label that has been placed upon someone.

These variables give reasoning to why some become extreme and abusive while others do not. A big talk in the nation is protecting the democracy that this nation was founded and that all men are created equal until proven otherwise. Also is a concern being excessive force, brutality, and aggressive practices like those that I continually must experience. This at such a rate that I have had no other choice but to utilize the skill of pattern recognition to connect all the dots and combine this experience to understand how things unfold and why at the deeper level. It is not being judgmental but finding meaning in your suffering is healing and relieves the burden that is placed upon you by understanding where others are coming from at the deeper level. Even if you do not agree with their practices this is a form of respect that considers where others are coming from at the deeper level. It has come at a cost, but so does freedom, so with the grace of God, and goodwill of man hopefully we can all be stronger together and prevent atrocities where people go to far with their authority. Finding more meaningful ways that are more creative, productive, and ethical, to understand others through a lens of compassion, empathy, and humanity rather that unrelenting rigid, harsh practices, of exclusion, rule, compliance, enforcement fueled by negative emotion is important. Not only for fairness, but for the longevity of this nation by staying grounded in what it stands, finally we cannot neglect what this Two-hundred-year experiment stands for not now not, ever…