(27) Geez why can't they just let go

It is frustrating when people in a position of power become entitled and instead use the authority that has been granted to them as a tool to gratify themselves and abuse others. This mooring on a phone call I explained some things I learned about behavioral science and how the subordinate members in the hierarchy of our closest ancestors (i.e., primate studies) often struggle of and are abused by the dominant aggressive types. Individuals that mind their own business that are nurturing and caring yet are harassed and brutalized to the point they become isolated and eventually ran off. The studies show being isolated is deemed the most stressful of conditions to one’s health. As I described to my friend on the telephone social dominance comes (human form) from stressed individuals with personality disorders like narcissism and often the negative behaviors of this personality type get worse over time eventually leading to sociopathy. George Bush Jr. stated once power is corrosive. Being self-aware is important in understanding the ill-effects power can have trouble is it is often acquired by people that are hungry and have a thirst for power and control rather than the transformational type of leader that believes in a cause that is empathic and genuine rather than greedy and selfish. Leaders susceptible to become dictators and are driven externally by public image and flattered by praise well suited for the narcissist personality, and tyrant status can be attained when they start harming individual’s physical health, and often for irrational reasoning that stems from the maladaptive brain functioning of sociopathy. Too much stress and trauma make individuals more susceptible to maladaptive stress which leads to frontal/ emotional deregulation, risky behaviors, and impulse control issues. People in this mode may make bad choices or value judgements, then have to resort to post hoc rationalizing to keep trying to make sense or confirm a prior choice that was made that was not well thought out because it was based off of emotion and not sound reasoning. No doubt an emotional decision that stem from negative thinking that backfires, and an individual that is high on his sense of stature may become addicted to anger trying which is manifested in rage if this status is tested or challenged in the slightest. The authoritarian type is susceptible to not being right because of the strict upbringing, and will distort reality in disbelief that they could never be wrong. Continually trying to prove (confirmation bias) themselves right ( oh that is the reason) when in reality whether their bias is automatic or implicit they are dehumanizing the individual, because actually they are imposing their negativity that, which is not true to the individual that they are condemning. This can cause a lot of frustration for all parties for involved. When people become rigid and someone keeps being misrepresented (me), and two when this person (me) keeps being put down it is frustrating, yet I am resilient in my goals, an athlete with a assertive personality, this usually works well till now I am opposing the status quo (authoritarian that won’t be swayed). Studies show that (I can provide) that challenging the status quo instigates the highest form of violence and/or aggression. This probably varies depending on importance of stature (externally driven) of their public image, level of authoritarian experience in development, and/or the maladaptive stress (emotional reactivity) they hold towards the individual that they are condemning. Which the level of aggression and abuse allowed is surely indicated by the level of maladaptive stress to the level of sociopathic behavior or not. To what extent can someone rationalize through the lens of humanity rather than rationalizing through prejudice that is often the derivative of the decisions folks make on short notice that leads them to have to be extra creative later on when trying to confirm their prior bias then to do so through post hoc rationalizing.

So, here I am once again, up late knowing what I am experiencing, and how I am being treated is very wrong, and I know I have to stand up and do something because so many innocent people have died in the past. This often at the hands of people that are authoritarian and so bent on rules and compliance that they stopped following sound values and rules or ethical behaviors long ago. Where sociopathy turned evil not only by choice, but a brain suffering trauma, even if it was because burnout on the job lead to becoming addicted to the emotion disgust, then apathy/antipathy eventually evil. Person cannot function in the vacuum of antipathy before have to fill this void through violence in an explosive manner. A brilliant tyrant such as Hitler devised a plan that wiped out 6 million innocent Jewish people because they would not comply to What they seen as against their own values. Hitler was deemed to destroy people it just became his human nature he killed over 200,000 disabled people supposedly to take the burden off of the people that had to care for these disabled.

His worth and what he found important did not include empathy of where others were coming from. Surely, an authoritarian driven by power, social control, rigid rules, and enforced through harsh punishment and cruelty. An individual that did unspeakable damage before he was eventually stopped from further escalation from this relentless pursuit of terror. The Jews were categorized when taken under siege, then were categorized as they were separated based on how they could be used and disposed of when they were not needed. Very limited rigid prejudicial thinking. When you think in categories you underestimate how different two facts are when they fall in the same category. When you think in categories you overestimate how different they are when there happens to be a boundary in between them. And, when you pay attention to boundaries you do not see the big picture all you see is categories. Robert Sapolsky brings these ideas to light and how when you fall into categorical thinking you can do unspeakable damage. Having a wide range of constructs as psychologist George Kelly share’s makes an individual more effective when it comes to discriminating the thoughts that arise in the many different scenarios that evolve in each individual. It prevents abnormal/normal, and us against them type thinking. The big picture rather than categorizing people through a limited scope prevents post hoc rationalizing that happen when a person is not seen for their individual circumstance but instead judged in a limited manner through the perception based only through the scope of ones profession. Often decisions are made through intuition, which not all people are intuitive.

Why am I up at 4:00 am writing this. After my phone discussion this morning I also spoke to myself about my experiences and used objective reasoning based on the constructs of my own knowledge for deeper understanding and to seek a more meaningful understanding of life and the experiences I have as being part of the patriarchy- a member of society. As a member I am accepted or not, my public image well I do not perceive myself as having one I am internally driven off a sound set of values. This is very beneficial for me it offers myself more space in my mind away from things in which I do not and cannot control; what others think of me. I am concerned that my call or me speaking to myself in the privacy in my home may offend others that are about social control, but more in a way to protect their interest. This agenda may be a hidden agenda. Once again, never know the experience I have when ears are ringing and cannot sleep is something I ingested an assault on my health to harass me or cause me long term health damage. Because of my experiences and the threat to my health of being exposed on numerous and countless toxins I have experienced (and those with me at times) I rarely eat out. The side effects are blatant directed at me but their actions are hidden and covert. They have contacts at markets that change items out on the shelf and that are tainted or change them out in my car or home. I need to resolve an underground operation that threatens my freedom of daily living, my God given inalienable rights (ability to safely eat and seek medical care safely when needed), and my health. I am not sure how people interpret the constitution, but letters like this and my conversations on Friday morning would sure be deemed a threat to those that may be working underground. Like a warrior society taking efforts into their own hands. I have never received a warning that there was any sort of any type of issue that someone has had with me. I can honestly say though that I have had countless negative experiences as the one I experienced tonight that someone has it out for me. I believe they contract people to do this I really do not hold these people accountable, but it is the people that hold a position of power that make choices and go around the duties of their job and make choices on their own that they have not been trained for because it is out of their scope of work. This makes them dangerous it is scandalous, corrupt because then the reaction of these individuals that they are mistreating may be unstable which is a response of how they are being treated not of who they really are. It is a tactic and very unethical to say the least I cannot see an organization having to utilize this when they are over resourced and over staffed. The bigger the organization the more experience they have opening minds to a wider view when interpreting others is necessary in order to understand others properly due to the diversity that we all come from. In life and the many different environmental experiences each person has it is impossible to lump people into categories by stereotype. The biggest problem I have is this because you became an assumption, prediction and have to meet the expectation of others based on what they predict and expect to meet the label. They can provide this by gathering individuals in a context suited to the label get people involved to say what they are told then they reinforce their label. This is dehumanizing, prejudiced, racist whatever you want to call it, and it is what happened in the holocaust and slavery. We are moving backwards and not forward. I am not here to judge anyone it is what it is but I am still dealing with confirmation bias and being harassed in my daily living in an organized ring. It happened last night at the gym. 2nd time I have been to the gym in 3 years these folks are already at it. Monsters. In the sauna last week I elected to walk around the locker room on my way out, last night I figured nobody can talk crap on me (these guys want the smoking gun of course) cause I am just walking through, sure enough a foot to the side of me in my path is a younger individual no worries on my part but it is just when you have people that are always out to get you you can only expect some backlash cause your already getting it. I type this cause there are people out there that believe in me and these people have done a good job of me being isolated and alone. I worry they will manipulate anyone that is a friend and use people on the payeoll talking shit to do so. We all weren’t born yesterday it takes a social construct to be reinforced by a social construct. How much do these people get paid they promote one another and stand behind one another to the end. I am on a third generation of abuse from this administration, and I want justice. The only person I did not see that was corrupt was McDonnell I bet he has a strong value system and is motivated through an internal locus of control. He also brought and had the highest level of experience to the table and surely a non-biased intuition. The person that came back to haunt me in 2015 heavily and to this day ever since (the same style harassment I experienced from 2006-2010) the guy that hates my guts Luna did not trust Mcdonnel and mad negative reference in the news paper about him at the beginning but praised him and how m much he’d learned when he left. Am I just completely screwed here does hate run so fricken deep that I can never get a fair resolution or interpretation of my character for the person that I represent and claim that I want to be. That being away from the person that they presumes and impose upon me so that they can be right that I am and will always be as long as anyone that has ever been tied into this administration is involved this pronounced to a label.

After Friday morning private conversation, I am entitled to have my opinion, but maybe not so from another’s opinion. This would have been picked up by someone listening to a telephone call. I would expect it is an abuse of power if I receive threat due to a private phone call that someone used authority from a personal basis to take offense a lash back this is unprofessional and like supremacy or a superiority complex. Hey I keep to myself it is just all to defensive aggressive and excessive to say the least now once again here comes the retribution. These guys work out of their own bucket their scope their own facilitation there is no empathy, no humanity or concern except raise concern to try to support their agenda. It is all a game with the tools they have, who they are, and what they cannot get enough of, and it just seems hating me has gone on for so long it has become a way of life for them. They try to berate my character by neglecting to look at me for who I am, rather than impose their hatred upon me excessively, I am not a person I am a label, a category, a social construct that is dehumanized as a result which is unethical. They will organize create situations and subjectively belittle my character in these situations because I have my own opinion which I keep to myself but impose on my privacy then take it personal then teach use others to hate by using them to belittle me more. Another form of post hoc rationalizing, but also so they can defend themselves by further condemning me. A defense mechanism manipulation intimidation, because they hear what I say and they know it is true. I am in a bad situation because of the way others chose to function. I have just graduated this is the first week I have not had to go back to school in the spring semester for eight years I do not need anyones bullshit. I am still studying at home catching up with duties around the house and wanting to focus on my health. I have a full agenda, and a lot to catch up on. I am so caught up in someone’s else’s political agenda using me for their own gain and cannot let go its really sad making me a slave to your cause I deserve so much better. I am screwed placing this on here I am screwed anyways one thing that never goes away is hate it always return. Hate comes in the form of prejudgments opinion attitude. Life come in the form of human experience a condition that cannot be ignored we all grow through and develop into individuals getting better and wiser as we never stop learning, growing, and developing. Like the American value meritocracy what the heck is a label that never changes or the vision of a person that is never reinterpreted or reassessed when one chose to condemn someone sounds like hatred opinion and attitude to me. This isn’t about the tres amigo’s we are talking human life here. A renewed vision is a vision open to unlimited possibilities that is enlightened by building people up as opposed to pushing them down. We are better than this.