(56) If you do not report, then it only gets worse.

My daily experience on Monday January 9 was unique for one I experienced retribution after emailing myself yesterday morning. This morning I experienced a gray film over my vision a little after breakfast and felt strange. I was supposed to be at a job early but didn’t get there till 2 pm. I have experienced this before not all the time it seems what I experience always changes but it is very consistent. Kind of get worried do not know how I could be affected but I do know the nervous system felt weird and it took away from my focus. I usually do not like to give feedback to help an activity that I disapprove of but today I felt it is important. Why the outlawed practices that I experience today should be obsolete. First toxify something a person eats or drinks with some substance may have an inebriating effect on the individual that was assaulted. Three different times that I have experienced gray haze over my eyes I have almost had an auto accident. Makes you feel like you’re in a cloud or something. As far as any prescription that alters your capability to drive there is always a warning label notifying the individual not to drive. Without this awareness and driving it places the individual, pedestrians, and other motorists at risk. The other problem is if you were singled out by a group that did this and you know the group that the people are affiliated with it would be difficult not to think that the whole group is bad. The problems connected to the intent to physically harm someone is knowing where it is coming from and the possibility that the individual that was assaulted or had a hate crime directed at them may generalize anyone in the organization as someone that tried to harm them. Studies show that punishing an individual to harshly or more than what would be necessarily called for can cause resentment which depending in on the emotional state of an individual may be manifested in anger. Anyhow driving to work this afternoon coming up to fifth street I see a police car waiting to pull out onto the street sitting in a driveway just to the right of me, and I immediately tell myself that I would never generalize a whole group based off the not so smart actions that a few others of the same group make. Even though I keep getting toxic encounters that are constantly changing in side effects and symptoms like this morning. So, coming to the next intersection Alamitos and 4th street I am approaching the crosswalk and at the last second, I see a bicyclist just passed the middle of the intersection about 7’ on the other side of the crosswalk heading directly to where I was going, and we are both on a collision course him about 12 mph me at 35. Point of contact is less than 12 feet and there is no way that I could have ever stopped to prevent hitting him he was not paying attention and wasn’t stopping. I glance quickly to check if the light was green and had no choice but to make a high-speed right-hand turn to avoid a horrible accident. Mainly for the cyclist but surely not a memory that I would ever want to encounter. Thankfully neither of us had to experience a horrific accident for the bicyclists it would have been very bad. I now sit back pondering how the afternoon unfolded and am frustrated for a few reasons.

1). Had I not had the gray film over my vision, feeling out of sorts with my nervous system which is unnormal except when I have ingested something that made me feel this way. I may have seen this individual much sooner and not had to make a high-speed right which was my only way to avoid completely t-boning this person.

2). Making the high speed right there could have been some one approaching or in the crosswalk a grandma with a shopping basket, or anyone for that matter and then I would have had to swerve left to avoid them and could have crashed into another motorist causing serious injury. Thankfully the streets weren’t wet, and the sidewalk was clear. Now going down 4th I am thinking that guy must have been on drugs and is going to get hurt. As I sat at the light on Atlantic and 4th I see the black and white in the lane beside me a few cars back so I get out of my vehicle and told him there is a bicyclist that ran the light and is riding this way and that you may want to check to see he is even safe to ride a bike. They were super nice I told them of my dad retiring in 1999 and that you guys are great take care. Looking at the big picture into the dangers that these continuous and ongoing practices (toxifying someone’s food, implying health threat) and the threat that these actions may impose onto others is important. Earlier on my drive to work not long before all this happened, I was thinking how as people we project onto others the very disposition of our own character. For example, someone that exploits, manipulates, and cheats others will surely expect that this is how everyone else is. This is what a person that exhibits these behaviors will naturally expect from others. In this realm of existence false consensus- an individual would surely feel threatened, not trust, possibly to the point of being paranoid, and may be driven by fear rather than logical reasoning as a method to resolve anything that this individual would perceive as a threat. This higher stress state Daniel Goleman mentions if not addressed and settled rationally may lead to narrow mindedness, being hyper focused on threat, a lower cognitive capacity, and not looking at the bigger picture. All in the mind of course, conversely the organization will follow practices set forth based on what is characteristic of the personality of the leader of the organization. My concern is a question that when people act out of accordance to their professional responsibility is it because they lack a moral compass to guide them in their decision making or are they just missing the big picture do to being over inundated with it all. seeing the bigger picture and missing the implications of the dangers that these practices impose a places people at risk.

I write this at 1 AM 1/10/23 I still am not sure what may come about when I sleep through the night or what long term affects it may play on my health. I am discouraged that my health is under attack and threat. Now it is 5:30 am and ears ringing not able to sleep so whatever I ingested may have been something like radiation it is lingering. As far as members being at risk in the organization due to being hunted by people within it and having threat to your health has left me feeling betrayed. I have looked up to all my dad’s friends growing up and will always have respect and appreciation and these memories are part of my life that I still identify with in my current life as a positive part of my identity. By contrast there are many people that are in a state of apathy and filled with hate and anytime you provoke someone like this it is not safe. These practices may be geared to cleanse members that are not wanted in society. Others may generalize the organization lacking control and this puts people that work for the organization in harm’s way due to the extreme actions of others. This goes to all organizations like this across the country, and if one represents it by abusing their authority it then it may look bad for any of these organizations across the country even if they do not utilize the same reckless and extreme practices. I think that is why they call these outlaw practices. Granted there are at times when more force or brutality or more aggressive practices may be needed. Consequently, deeming the difference is a big responsibility of the leader and to prevent extremes from escalating to a high level and becoming a main part of your practice utilizing all resources from the knowledge of all individuals in the department and outside even outside agencies that are licensed ant trained to understand the human condition at the deeper level. Combining services to understand the human condition better should not be seen as a threat to one’s success because win/lose outcomes should never be a principle over win/win outcomes. Undoubtedly, it may be necessary as a method from the perspective of boundary making to look through a wider lens; a multi-dimensional approach to utilize practices at hand thorough a wider lens that promote a learned experience from a situation rather than political ideologies or affirmations. New topic. Community improvement turned community cleansing. See a post a while ago where I gave an example of the aggressive males that were over stressed and held the top of the baboon hierarchy by creating a social hierarchy and did so by beating up and bullying the others which gave them their status. I can see being in a group as part working with top officials that would seem like of an elite position. The bigger picture at hand are going to be the ideologies of the leader and what he does or doesn’t allow like allowing for idea’s through an open mind or leading in an aggressive it is my way or the highway mind set. For example, drawing a line to not go beyond the ethical boundary of breaking constitution or human rights of others and rules that are in place, for example, following proper procedure. Creativity, creativity, creativity. Who gets to make the choice of who belongs or not? Then be responsible of taking the steps to improve the landscape, and through the lens in which one will do so? Then who makes the brilliant plans/tactics that are used. It gets tricky, especially when extremes are taken because civil rights laws like I mentioned a while back and what actions people take towards others could be seen as acts of terrorism when certain measure that have been taken have gone too far. Final follow-up for Tuesday morning experience from something I ate Monday that was finally fell asleep around 6 by 6:30 am woke up left side of mouth drooping and laying back down not much after a deep chill came over my whole body. This experience has happened after experiencing a gray film over my vision the day before and at other times as well. The practices used are deadly and whoever is calling the shots is completely in left field to be utilizing measures that are to such a heavy extreme where it is hardly deserved. 1/10/23 and 1/11/23 feeling right side of face and behind I feel different. And since these experience as I finish this with a follow-up 1/12/. Just like forever now it seems under siege and under threat, and I am afraid to eat anywhere or even buy thins at the market. Full program going that should not be taking place. After the e mail to myself last weekend I knew I would get retribution and I experienced this and started keeping track in this document. I have been working a lot today from 7 am did not get home till 9:00 pm. One thing though is after being assaulted whether the thing was switched on the shelf at the market, in my vehicle or here at my house last Monday I had the bad experience. It is worry some to buy anything or eat anywhere starving in fear of my safety.

The subjective way to defend deny or defy rather than detach & overlook the situation from a wider lens lacks any reassessment never anything good to say about a person. Similar to a war being placed upon someone one that was not declared just continual ordinate subordinate interactions, microaggressions, and practices to be sure the label and ideologies stick. For example, not accepting someone for who they are, but denying someone their humanity for what they are expected, predicted, or assumed to be. Social hierarchy and social construct have theory add people. Raise fear get people on your side politically motivated. Categorical thinking fails to distinguish two facts within the same category, then just see’s boundaries, which neglects to ever see the big picture. Then post hoc rationalizing takes place to show see we are right. A form of hindsight bias not just that I knew-it-all-along, but confirmation bias that I cannot be wrong. Challenge the status quo he has plenty resources to defend, literally the increase of hatred and indiscriminate violence. Trauma changes the brain just like stress and earlier in this paper I explained the phenomenon of this through the studies of Daniel Goleman. I find that categorical thinking can be dehumanizing due to the subjective nature of these practices, instead of using clinical judgement, objective measures, and the other professional’s perspective, by contrast tensions escalate along with the bias and extreme measures that cause the kind of havoc described in this paper. I raise awareness and surely will be slandered and have my name smeared and possibly those close to me (what’s left of them) will be in harm's way. Also, with many social movements is the motivation to get more people on board along with burning out more of my resources. Sound like war to you? Objective measure’s, reasoning, and models are needed to understand the human condition thoroughly which can remedy and help with the guess work and offer better outcomes with more precision. Psychiatrist Paul Conti explains in a podcast with Rich Roll that misinterpretations with growing pains and pathology often happen, and he deems physician burnout as part of the problem. Stacking appointments, too many patients in a day, rather than taking time getting to know the patient to treat the patient rather than judge a behavior and treat a symptom. He claims pinpointing root cause scenarios of these symptoms, (i.e., overlaps, and comorbid conditions) linked to behaviors may resolve issues for good for the patient so they can go on and live their life’s happily. He mentions an example of this in therapy may cost $7,000 with a win/win situation. Instead, of spending $100.00.00 judging behaviors and treating symptoms, which often fails to pinpoint the underlying causal mechanisms of a patients behaviors, then the client’s struggle’s do not go away, they are continually in and out of therapy, and when the issues are continually not addressed properly often the patient dies. A win/lose. He says this is sad, and so do I.

We are better than this I will practice a humanistic approach if I am able to finish my studies. This is the same approach that the field social work was founded on and is still based around. Before war is ever declared against our own people one must be sure there are no gaps in logic and/or reasoning in the biggest picture of all the whole picture of the whole situation in all the micro and macro level dynamics involved.

Post originally emailed to my perrin41@aol.com account on January 15,,2023. This post has not been changed in any way from the original email on January 15.