(93) Me his dirty old scapegoat

this an an unrevised email sent to me by me to my AOL account on July 29, 2024

Writing this Sunday evening the 28th of July. Friend Randy left town for a two-week mountain biking trip on June 9th. I am still the target of food and drink assaults of cleanliness and toil and it has been taking its toll.

Friday coming home from Corona another bad experience over Friday night into Saturday morning, Body overnight seemed to be vibrating. Slept in and didn’t get to a job early like I wanted. Feeling weird can't remember the word I was using to describe it. Nonetheless, Sater feeling disillusioned driving over to Randys house and getting off freeway no cars anywhere around a single car stopped at the light and I misgauged the distance or lost concentration and slammed into the rear of her car. Bummed I say in the blog posts the danger of these practices I lay hurting in the stomach all night I feel an ear ringing in the brain overcome me Friday night, so I knew something was happening. Could feel it in my underarms the next morning and had a chest heart sensation Saturday afternoon. Saturday night had a cold chill overcome me. So not the best weekend. When Randy left on June 9th it picked up daily and never has left off. I am someone’s dirty old scapegoat isn’t that wonderful.

I can see the more power someone gets the more their ego becomes inflated. The more the ego becomes inflated the more entitlement the feel that they have this along with power.

Then crossing of boundaries of others at a higher level well not maintain one's own limit or a line. The barriers a person faces become more stringent as the level of oppression rises. The ego image thing comes from an external locus of control in that of image and the outside in approach to living. This external validation never comes from a healthy place always negative experience that people have experienced that they dissociated from. These unresolved issues still reside within in the form of affect. The false sense of self and external validation is not self-reinforcing at the neural level, so dopamine baselines are low making an individual prone to adverse behaviors. This stae of existence apathy is a vacuum one experiences in their life and to fill this void Rollo May says a person will act explosively or implosively it is only a matter of time till something sets them off.

Sadly enough, dissociating from self and never embracing empathy hampers development of crucial neuro circuitry involved in developing an adult brain. To tune in to thyself and to understand one’s own self when other challenges arise during adolescence or young adulthood is to have compassion which not only regulates the sympathetic nervous system, but it also is the dialogue that allows for rationality over emotion (fear etc.), in the brain region (limbic center) that the amygdala resides in. This important neural circuitry is associated with working memory and allows to keep neuronal activity high in the orbital frontal cortex (OFC) (organizing goal setting reinforcement region) so that the amygdala will be silenced allowing for more neuronal activity to take place in the OFC region. The OFC sorts out info distinguishes stressors or not and does so in unison with the hippocampus, hypothalamus, and the meso-limbic dopaminergic reward pathway to store and recall information.

The George Kelly model cognitive psychology explains it well you have lower level and higher-level traits that work together the higher long enduring traits stay the same but the lower-level traits are constantly changing based off of learning, reinforcement, anticipated future (powered by dopamine for people that live in a way to have high dopamine baselines). When intellectually and emotionally mature the mind body work effortlessly the persons needs are met (self-actualized) and they will be in a state of generativity (gratitude, modest, loving and caring of others). Coherence of self and the practice internal locus of control to have empathy, to use a dialogue in the context of moral reasoning is what strengthens these regions and neuro circuitry over a person's lifetime. I experience this in my life, and I am sure to be very straight forward the importance of thorough development and living in a way that promotes it development more and more every day by living this way. Neuroplasticity is learning and development is arborization forming of dendrites axon terminal vesicles synapses so that when exocytosis takes place the action potentials are high in the synaptic cleft, so neurotransmission of a lot of neurotransmitters NT (all have signature duties) can take place.     

With the current events taking place stress and the cumulative effects of stress over a lifetime and how a person can adapt in a healthy way or not truly makes all the difference. It is nice to stay calm in the parasympathetic but without compassion you may be in the sympathetic nervous sympathetic nervous system all the time experience glucocorticoid sensitivity due to a lack of resistance at the alarm stage of the Hans Selye model (General Adaption syndrome) therefore lack resistance to incoming environmental releasing stimuli therefore become exhausted and burn out. The determinants of development (some ideals listed above) and how a person is motivated internal vs. external locus of control is very important to understand and incorporate into individual's life because it definitely will make all the difference of living in a way to become resilient to stress or not. I may have taken the time to learn it, but it is the fact that I am a living it so I experience it in a way that I can confidently share the importance of it.

The James Lange theory that our experience of emotion is a response to the physiological changes that accompany it. The attempts of linking specific emotions to specific bodily responses have mostly failed, because it turns out that there is no distinctive autonomic pattern for each emotion. Fear, surprise, and anger for example, all tend to be accompanied by sympathetic activation, while parasympathetic activation tends to accompany both joy and sadness (Breedlove, 2020). Section 15.4 in this book explains that it is neurocircuitry, hormones, and synaptic transmitters that mediate violence and aggression. At the start of the twentieth century many of people were placed in mental hospitals because of a disorder called paralytic dementia the psychopathology of this debilitating mental problem was characterized by the onset of delusions (false beliefs strongly held in spite of contrary evidence), grandiosity (boastful self- importance), euphoria, poor judgement, impulsiveness and capricious behavior. My research of consciousness and human behavior is broad and under continual researching but is hinged around social emotional learning, limbic system deficiencies related to stress and the degree of neurocircuitry that takes place in time of development over a lifetime. For instance, in adolescence and young adulthood correlated to mature state functionality in relation to the outcome of structure components of neural development with the common goal of the human organism to function in its optimal performance state of intellectual and emotional maturity. The recent findings in behavioral neural sciences are relatively new and have come about from the improvement in brain imaging equipment. It is important to understand all aspects of mental health, development, and to keep up on the trends in society that implicate deficiencies seeking ways to implement programs that offer best outcomes of improvement for all members at the micro and macro level in society. 

The sociological fragility we are experiencing in society shows we are on a downward trend of good times as men are becoming weaker, and if things do not turn around or change then soon it is predicted that we will experience a Latin American democracy. Where leadership changes from principle of democracy to that of autocracy and the outcome will be political violence oppression and a loss of our freedoms as we know them. Above I mentioned that when in generativity an outcome of higher development that the individual will practice a post conventional moral reasoning mindset as an outcome of their self-coherence, generative drive, and higher cognitive capacity (structural component of brain functioning as a whole more synapsis throughout more regions of the brain functioning smoothly). It causes a riff to see things others cannot, and to care to want to give back and help often seems like a threat to others that only escalates in extremes to the degree of getting you cancelled out. The studies and findings brought about in this paper are a result of experiencing being hunted down as a target from someone in a place of power that has an inflated ego, seeks ego gratification constantly and may not trust others due to the false consensus that are a delusion of threat that just does not exist due to the unhealthy behaviors that he projects onto others. Taking the structural approach to seek objective reality is a necessity for some. For me this is a natural precursor of my abilities to understand others unconditionally and without judgement regardless of how they treat me.

The findings from the James-Lange theory studies imply that it is mind set and motivational styles that really lead to a compromised human organism or not. Depending on whether the cumulative effects of stress has led to behavioral manifestations, biological, neurophysiological, physicochemical substrates in a way that promotes consciousness and mental experiences in homeostasis rather than the negative outcome related to stasis. Social correlates play a role but whether it be a lack of development or stress and burnout issues that arise must be addressed within so issues can be resolved through healthy coping skills to prevent apathy so that a lack of cognition doesn't arise at the realm of negative emotions limbic friction from unresolved issues that cause conflict within the nervous system and the mind. Problem the paranoia the drive to eliminate fear has gotten so irrational that it has dehumanized a good person, and being treated inhumanely to the unethical degree of targeting me to cause a physical ailment to my health. Like thinking this will help his circumstance. Which I could not explain the circumstance that a person may conjure in his own mind through behavior that lacks morality or conscientiousness except to look objectively at his whole life experience, development, long enduring traits to pinpoint personality disorders from psychopathy that is a disease state. The difference is how inhumane and if harming involves killing without losing sleep but instead actually sleeping better then we have an evil person that is completely detached from reality. Which from what I am experiencing is the case. I have all the love in the world while someone else has all the hate in the world

I can hardly say this is a paper, since it is a first draft no polishing of grammar. I am a multi-draft writer, and my papers usually take 12 drafts plus. Sound like beers nope not for me 27+ years alcohol free will never drink again. One thing to make clear is that I am not a vindictive person I went back to school in 2006 not to be a thorn but to give back. I have a lot of potential in future studies I am not biased, instead willing to put in the hard work, and to take on the role as a social scientist through the clinical approach of psychology. I take this seriously and it means a lot. Never should people take offense to scholarly effort that is geared to make the world a better place. The evil hunt-down of cancel culture a derivative of Marxist thinking that invokes identity and tribal politics to an extreme has got to stop enough is enough.