(41) Rough weekend all bruised up

with Friday afternoon the 17th

I felt in my sleep the symptoms of something happening, so I took note in a blog early Friday morning.

Saturday morning 18th

Talk about down for the count holy moly what was in that shit guys. Fabulous nothing like a head change, stomach pain and fading in and out. Even laying down seen some kind of something that zoned into like seeing some animated thing come to actuality for a moment that was a trip equivalent of a few tabs of acid. If you have some tabs of acid take them yourself I am not about no tripping over here what the hell are you kidding me.

Another interesting finding about one of the # one causes of someone that is susceptible to displaced aggression. I have located a study that shows that when an Alpha male steps down from his #1 position of the hierarchy that this amounts to and can cause tension, frustration, and stress that leads to and is one of the #1 causes of displaced aggression. I should have figured as much.

Sunday night 6/19/22

I have noticed in the last since January an increase in the aggression in these experiences that I have spoke of. Also, I was frustrated myself thinking you know the last 16 semesters straight I have gone to school for the last eight years straight and this being my first semester off after finishing the schooling quest (December 18, 2022) and I am getting experiencing aggression at an even more heightened level. Now 5+ months later the pieces still coming together, I was in quite a quandary at first, but now I see where it is coming from. I am taken aback that upon finishing this quest that a bunch of harassment has persisted and think to myself no props or the slightest of any kind of recognition from the other side whatsoever regarding this huge task that I just accomplished. Nothing changed just like wow really could a guy try and work any harder here. Still upon graduating I have not let these experiences detracted me or take away from my task at hand.

For me after graduating I immediately started reading a behavioral neuroscience book that I bought for a class that I wanted to take and was registered for in my last semester but was not able to take. Also bought two other books and have been studying these, and other lectures that are on-line and have been doing so relentlessly. My goal is to take what I have learned and combine it furthermore with heightened studies and research to best prepare me for future graduate studies with advanced ideologies. Someone else is relentless in their quest as well and calling the shots, and I have been taking the blows.

Friday night I experienced heightened symptoms walking into my room in the dark going to bed and I experience white speckles of light throughout the whole dark room. Both eyes throughout all my vision of the whole room very weird I have never experienced this before. Another side effect is a very sore stomach super sensitive. I ate at Raising Canes in Lakewood on Thursday night around 5pm. I had a drink out of the tea dispensers, a chicken sandwich, and fries. I usually do not eat out due to the high risk, and terrible past experiences that I have had, but took the chance and I am not sure if this was where I ate something to mess me up but it is Sunday night late and I am still feeling stomach pain and hurting. It messed up my weekend, so I have stopped exercise, so I do not hurt myself any more than I already am. I hope I start feeling better soon. Saturday night was a bad experience as well in the middle of the night I experienced stomach cramping that was very painful on two different times early Saturday morning. I have never experienced this before. So, why? Is it displace aggression someone under more pressure like I had previously thought. This is crazy. It is now Monday early am June 20th at 12:05 Juneteenth a holiday. I mainly wanted to report the bad after experience of my post on Friday morning. Seems Like my shock and dismay in causing me to write a post regarding hate crimes and cruelty to the point of injuring someone is a crime punishable by law was spot on. I fear for my safety, and on a day that we celebrate equality and emancipation from slavery I hope someday that I can be free in living my life again to its truest potential as well.

Monday morning after rising I note that in the early am while sleeping I had a very heavy cold come over me again, hands more dried, out stomach discomfort not going away. Continued brutality and excessive force all they have to do is spread bad rumors to disgust people even friends, and this may be the routine which follows me and contributes to me be being lashed out at. Now Tuesday morning ears ringing and feel foggy not helpful for me with work I have had to take it easy all weekend. It is frustrating..

Also, on another note, my being social isolated and alienated and having my health under threat is traumatizing if not even depressing. Studies reveal that social isolation is a number 1 stressor but my composure is solid I am empathic, do not exhibit an extreme form and symptoms of a major personality disorder, which can be indicated because I am still nice, without any type of aggressive or compulsive nature. In contrast these out bursts of aggression, assaults and effort to attack my character for personal gain is nothing short of hate driven by a greed and apathy. Watch it unfold serious underground network, and I am in danger. What is the intent of conspired bias political gain use him anyway you can or get rid of him. These idea’s and tactics are inhumane, cruel, and all based around the personal gain and success of others. Things are getting bad violence is everywhere, and even from the people that we pay, that we count on, and most importantly the ones that we are supposed to trust.