(50) September 30 blog that wasn't posted

Friday 2:00 AM as I write this, I have symptoms from yet another assault on me this afternoon/ evening sometime. I can explain why I think I have yet encountered another assault directed towards me. I have been keeping a blog due to these experiences that I have encountered, and I find it important to track experiences that I have encountered good and bad. Unfortunately, I have not any good experiences to share. On the early morning of 9/29/22 I awoke to feelings of discomfort, and I was frustrated later in the morning on the drive to work.

One thing that frustrated me after studying earlier that evening the research of a neurobiologist that is looking at research of neuroscientists and behaviorists regarding their work that involves studying aspects of the brain, CNS, and the individuals environment affects behavior. Studies reveal that the predictive value of aggression cannot be understood as a result of genes even if the individual is inhibited or disconnected from frontal cortical damage. This area of the brain that regulates behavior is important to have on line as functionally as possible, and is damaged or undeveloped in people that experience a lot of stress and/or trauma. The neurologist states that due to different hormones, neurotransmitters and receptor sites are indirect routes that affect the human organism at different levels, and as a result that genes cannot solely be responsible for behaviors. These studies indicate that that the effects that environments play on the human organism cannot be underestimated, because the environment experiences play a crucial role to contributing to the individual differences that are unique and specific to each individual. In fact, Sapolsky claims that detecting if someone is going to be a sociopathic killer or not cannot be done alone by looking at frontal cortical areas or genes without looking at developmental aspects (environment) that a person experiences and lists examples like different upbringings, adolescent and young adulthood years. An area that especially holds merit and cannot be overlooked are the different learning aspects, and environmental conditions that an individual experiences in childhood that modulates and offers better predictive value if an individual’s behavior is more presupposed to aggression or not. Undoubtedly, there are many objective measures that the behaviorists and neuroscientists are teaming up together to better understand the human organism through. To thoroughly understanding the complexities of human behavior requires a combined lens of these disciplines to gain a deeper meaning of and a more accurate understanding of behavior through the lens of human development. Differentiating is important and is interesting stuff like speaking of sociopathic murders that when an individual is targeted or killed is different than when a person is killed because of being seen as belonging to a specific group that they have been connected to because the latter would be considered as part of a genocide. How individuals are labeled based off of behaviors is like trying to address a gene to aggression it just cannot be done with accounting for factors and variables that lead to modulation of genes resulting from indirect routes that affect hormones and neurotransmitters, and environmental experiences especially in early life that affect the positive or negative development of an individual and his/her behaviors. . Behaviorally speaking is not a fact of who a person is, for instance a person that drinks alcohol does not mean a person will drink alcohol for life or even be an alcoholic for life. Drinking may be a behavior that comes from growing pains in one’s development that in effect is correlated with and may be another overlapping factor along with other situations that arise that are concurrent with different child maltreatment experiences. For example, internalized shame, and or attachment errs may be compounded and cause growing pains even in young adulthood when other situations like emotional neglect from a parent result when you are overly scolded when in fact it is emotional support that is needed. A situation’s that arise in this nature when an adolescent or young adult is still developing mentally may lead to attachment rupture that may lead to adverse behaviors to get rid of the pain that the person is experiencing. In a way this is development but without proper developed resources it is important for adolescent and young adults to have guidance and emotional support as to limit one’s acting out. Salvador Minuchin one of the most famous and well experienced family therapists was quoted saying that you must be very careful not to confuse growing pains with pathology. Yet people in some fields that are not trained or experienced to understand the human organism through a wider more objective lens may categorize people based off behaviors without accounting for the fact that a behavior could be a symptom of another underlying causal mechanism. There are many other variables and factors that must be accounted for to understand an individual’s behavior, and for their differences based off a whole life experience, and current environmental factors that have led them to be where they have found themselves to be in any specific moment of time. This is very important to prevent negatively affecting someone by being too critical or judging a behavior to harshly without understanding them for their human experience. I am sure high recidivism rates are in a big part due punishing behavior without accounting for where the behavior is coming from but instead treating a symptom through locating the root cause scenario due to human factors, negative life experiences, for example child maltreatment (neglect or abuse physical, emotional or sexual). Instead, people often get judged, categorized, and treated harshly. Human behavior is complex not just for one person but for all, and in life we never stop learning, growing, and developing. This varies for everyone based across many different variables and factors from a whole life’s worth of experiences in many different stages of human development.

Frustration or tension does not lead to aggression for everyone. In fact, I was frustrated this morning thinking of how subjective and how aggressive people act towards me behind the scenes and I vented to myself. I stressed that people that hold a higher bar on their character development usually do no displace aggression towards others because they have adapted healthy coping skills that they use through several different mechanisms that are available to them. One coping mechanism is speaking aloud to oneself about what and how things are bothering them, and not holding these negative experiences in because being self- inhibited (holding things close to your vest) is not healthy because your holding it in. I cursed the county and the character some portray in a way that is unprofessional from a job and character perspective that I feel could be better represented otherwise. It may be safe to say that I spoke in frustration that I mentioned that I have absolutely no respect for these people that they have let me down way to may times and that I cannot do this any more it is not healthy for anyone involved including me. Anyways here I am paying the price already I am sure that I am absolutely hated by someone out there that has his cronies hating me along with him. Another thing I spoke of is that authoritarianism has rooted itself here in LB, and it is not going away anytime soon here in this little city. I was discouraged because hardcore aggressive practices are not always effective and are often practices from a leader whose personality is inflexible and that they incorporate an authoritarian style leadership due to the need of having to be heard at that level. Either way it is this same personality that micromanages, that is hypersensitive to another person’s opinion of them, lacks dignity, and does not cope well to stress due to a lacking healthy coping mechanisms. Compounding factors that surely stem from and leads to a person that cannot be understood properly without understanding their whole life’s worth of human experience’s especially early life experiences. Same stuff we are all the same just develop at a different rate based on the different context of early life experiences, which leads to a lot of differences between each one of us. I got it back to me again because I feel all messed up another shot to the stomach and feeling it on this early morning. It shows tensions and escalations are high right now for many, and I am in the way and stuck in the middle of somebody’s warpath. Which once again it is individual frustrations and come from tensions and lackluster coping mechanisms that have led to enduring traits and behaviors that come from layers/ years’ worth of accumulating and compounding of issues and growing pains that have not been resolved that have turned into pathology. Being able to look within while some environmental releasing stimuli is presented and contending with frustrations that result is something that is important to do and is crucial in the effort to remain balanced all throughout life. Seeking reason, meaning, and purpose with compassion is a tool for healing not only for oneself, but also for understanding others and the individual differences that they experienced in their life.

I get that stuff off my shoulders by looking into and understanding behaviors of others at the deeper level as to understand people and/ or their behaviors objectively rather than judge them subjectively. It works it frees mind clutter and negative emotions it is the inside-out approach. It is these negative emotions that when they are not cleared that not only does it lead to mind clutter and misunderstandings, but it also affects the way in which we view the world and the attitudes and opinions that we place onto others as well. It takes respect to put your own feelings aside and try to understand someone at the deeper level. This is empathy and human dignity when put your own emotions aside and allow yourself to feel someone else’s pain and suffering, therefore accepting another’s pain and suffering as if it were your own just because they are human. This tactic is single handedly one of the most effective tools in personal healing and preventing aggression that a person can take part in. It prevents burnout, feelings of disgust, and apathy. This prevents the cumulative of effects of stress from piling up and becoming such a burden that you the begin to become self- inhibited and start to repress emotions and feelings. This downward spiral of elevated stress leads to a whole cascade of negative physiological problems, for example, frontal dysregulation, heightened emotional state (fear/aggression), generalized anxiety disorder, the road to lower learning capacity, worse memory retention, letting go of healthy coping skills in place of, and instead utilize a whole host of defense mechanisms and risky behaviors for stability and balance.

Truly none should have to experience living this way. I study day in and day out maybe it makes me susceptible at times when facing difficult or negative people to become frustrated and it does. Really though I ingrained the info as knowledge in a way that I can share it with others, and it is like what I like to say to my customers in my business that we are growing together. I am empathic and at such a level that I do not judge others through a superficial lens, nor do I fall prey to allowing their behaviors to fool me to instigate negative emotion before I can truly understand where they are coming from. It is fair to allow for human dignity to prevail when seeing someone struggling to do so through the pain that I have experienced in my own life. One defense mechanism is denial and maybe for some it may be impossible to get through to them by leading through example. But I will not give up it is the truest test that when life’s most difficult time’s arise that an individual true character will arise as well. Challenges are opportunities to put forth the work like respect, empathy, and human dignity, therefore to stay grounded then when times really do get tough your true character will shine.