(67) The debilitating need, but inability to refrain from abusive practices

• This written on 8/21/23 Venting not able to sleep another lashing for Perrin.
  

• Been working on research about identity politics and cancel culture. I am seen as a threat to a cause or interest. I am not sure, but pathology is doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons.
  

• This begins with perception, interpretation, emotion, and volition. Cognition is intertwined with emotion. I am sure emotion is innate and developed base on early life experience yet can change for better or worse depending on one’s extended environment. It helps to have integrity and human dignity in life. It is a must to have compassion to rise and develop thoroughly looking within and accepting the suffering of others as if they were your own is one way to heal your own pains instead of carrying the burden of others due to the unresolved pain that lingers within. This as Erikson says is a crossroads every person experience when identity crisis strikes. You can decide to keep doing what you’ve been doing living up to other people's expectations, or you can look within chose to do the human prerogative of using your human conscience, emotion and rapidly developing cognitive abilities to spend your life constantly improving through human development.

• Anyway, being competitive with the self is just living up to standards and values you expect of yourself which is rewarding. You need this to get out of bed in the morning. Trying for rewards from external validation is not self-reinforcing and is a sure way to lacking contentment, being unhappy, and being prone to adverse behaviors in an effort to fill that vacuum or void your experiencing from lacking genuine reinforcement. Must be true with yourself if you want the good vibes at the biological level. But hey, it is not okay to go take it out on others because you cannot find the balance within yourself. It is not nice, it is cruel, inhumane, and to a certain degree the context used when demeaning others can be very dehumanizing towards them. Imagine others as having a fragile sense of self or being thin skinned even if they are not. It is just a matter of respect that prevents people from having to sit and write a log in order to relieve a burden because of being mistreated in a way that should not be taking place. I am dealing with physical and emotional abuse for a long time have experienced betrayal trauma, therefore psycho educate myself as a way to understand where someone else is coming from due to the actions and behaviors that I have been experiencing. I am a keen observer and as far as pattern recognition. Power grab of the LACSD, now the big power trip a never-ending ego cannot win the battle over the self; staying grounded and humane with a moral conscience. Instead, he has to make a competition with others to get his so needed grandiose sense of self gratified by the much-needed external validation of having a bunch of people running around so Luna gets his boost of confidence and his much-needed fix of beating others down. How many people are relying on him to lead and many more in the community are relying on his trust to uphold the responsibilities that are abided of this position? His actions whether behind the scenes or in public reflect on any sworn officer in this nation, and many others retired or even that have passed away. Hold the honor well of the admired because everyone is watching even the good lord up above. Nonetheless, the man cannot steer away from bullying me. It is frustrating hearing him grab the spot of chief on the premises of preventing gangs, especially when the department he entered clearly has a policy against the use of outlaw practices. Yet he goes underground, takes matters into his own hands like a one man show, but diffuses responsibility that this democracy has checks & balances and measures that are clearly in place ( i.e., proper procedure, job duty restrictions) that are designed to prevent tyranny or dictator type practices that are extreme in nature. Practice’s that are often hidden & covert, yet impose brutality and cruel, unusual, and inhumane punishment directed in a brazen and bold manner at the person are excessive and unnecessary. This is dangerous in this country, and I mean country not just the county that is every county in this country is bound by these duties, ideas. This experiment that was founded and created 200 years ago should not be taken lightly. It is damaging and destructive to have tendencies that push a democracy towards an autocracy it promotes political violence and creates a constitutional crisis. I am going to say it one more time that there are many good men and woman in the departments and in society to be running some extreme non compassionate hate fest. To push and prod members as a group through dichotomous either or black and white thinking creating conflict within the group when extremes rise, and creating conflict between groups by labeling and categorizing out group members designated to favor ways that can increase one’s own personal success (i.e., self-serving) without seeing the humanness in the person instead just a social reward, a social construct, as something to go and get because that is about as far as your imagination can go besides your screwed up underground criminal enterprise is just greedy, selfish and apathetic. Manipulating people for one’s own success is discounting any merit a person has accomplished. For example, when the hard work continually put forth by me the citizen education going on for decades in hopes of giving back (i.e., a life of gratitude) the world a better place by helping individuals reach their highest potential (i.e., at th micro & macro level) gets ignored even side- stepped by someone with a nasty disposition (i.e., maladaptive & pathological), which has orchestrated a hate- filled underground program, fueled by self-serving bias to feed off a partisan political side by creating a social hierchy and creating turmoil for citizens in society. A typical personality type that latches on to an empathic person to get their abuse cycle going for decades is just insane. Couldn’t wait to get his hands back on that power not having to answer to anyone and once getting comfortable go out and abuse some more people with it. Seriously, worked Costco over a sting operation yesterday trying to get the food to me that I buy. These practices are going to lead to my demise. The intent is evil, the volume; duration anf frequency of underground assault’s is through the roof. That is identity politics placing people categorically into groups and the vision is an authoritarian landscape a person with ego- dystonic thoughts from OCD that cannot refrain even with such a major responsibility that should require every waking second if his mind set and focus was in the right spot. I know the personality and I knew that the personality was going to unfold through the job one way or the other. Brought a major addiction with him which is pathological all a derivative of a disconnected mind, and a man that is completely out of his head. It is and has reared its ugly head again for the last few months it keeps getting more extreme like the addiction that it is, and it is based on a plan that has not changed. Exclusionary practices are a form of negative reinforcement, which reinforcement is learning but only when it is positive reinforcement. I am sure this individuals working memory is not completely intact. Meaning cannot focus, nor learn, cannot see the future, and instead just lives for the moment. Not good because nothing changes, nothing gets resolved, and that good old intuition just does not exist. Like hyper focused on fear and threat too much frazzle to think clearly like the Goleman phenomenon that I spoke of a few blogs ago. Living for the moment in this case is the rush may not be ethical, but that chase and hunting people down is the exciting thing to do. Vendetta? Top-down hierarchy going to be tough running it where he is at now, nonetheless he still gets the show going here even though it is out of his jurisdiction. Who is going to stand up to evil? I am taking a beating this guy is ruthless can’t lose will not be wrong an alpha male that if someone else digs deep and works hard to find the answers they are going to be condemned and criminalized for it. Typical David McClelland’s (Harvard 1966) Leadership motivation syndrome (power model). In this presents a leader that expects blind loyalty, highly disagreeable, not happy people, and likes to beat people down. I have had enough being beaten down by this guy so he can have his kicks building closer ties and unity with his group at the expense of others. This is just wrong and not fair I am being oppressed, restrained from the potential from all my years of hard work and to have this guy run my biological clock out ruins my chance to live my hopes and dreams. The biological guerilla like warfare if Putin used chemicals in the war in Ukraine he would be wanted as a war criminal. I first experienced these tactics in 2007. Right when I started my schooling endeavor. The difference these people have not changed anything doing same old tactics, whereas I went and accumulated 70+ credits and got my BA in psychology. This is because I am an internalized value driven person that has found gratitude in my life, I always strive to be better, and I had hopes to increase my knowledge because I wanted to give back. All the knowledge gained I use to discriminate my own thinking under the different environmental stimuli that I encounter this has helped me to make well informed objective choices in my life. I am a structuralist and with the knowledge that I have accumulated from striving to self- improve little did I know then that I was going to experience hell till 2010 then again full steam ahead from 2015 till 2023. What a nightmare, but these challenges drove me to learn more to understand the whole dynamic of what was taking place and why. Even though all access in my personal life made it twice as hard. The level of extreme is an example of the level someone has to be heard at (i.e., authoritarianism). It is played out like it always has by dictators and ttyrants have through history; demeaning people as subordinates using idealism to induce fear based on constructs (pseudoscience) to artificially place people in. Then competition between groups promoted by this leader and all that yield to this unrelenting authority figure is all that yield’s to inequality and the social hierarchy the life under the status quo as a subordinate based off the group you get placed in. This identity politics is on the rise and it exists from leaders like this that squirm their way into power hidden and covert, and upon those seen as unfavorable through this leaders lens ( perception, interpretation, cognition/emotion, volition) if other than bow down to the illegitimate demands of the evil leader then they get hammered (smear campaign, assaults on physical health) with the level of intent that was used to intimidate and persuade but now to the degree of cruelty, as the degree of this this man’s cruelty to that of a regime of cancel culture. My goal I set in 2004 of getting married and racing 50 expert in XC mountain biking in 12 years by the time I was 50 was real. I am not negative without all the bullshit I am sure my life would be very much different today. Literally, now going on twenty years and pushing old age since I set that goal. Thanks a lot for the support fella’s got to love this administration. Even more so with the constant assaults on my physical health not hardly able to eat without a negative experience a breach of the God given inalienable rights supposedly protected under the U.S. constitution. Love the program Luna impressive what a generous soul and true gentleman. Never even a warning, just a bunch of attacks on my character, emotional, and assaults on my physical health right from the beginning in 2007. Just shows the neurotic, apathetic nature of disgust started long ago which explains the degree of evil that cannot be restrained today. All underground and behind the scenes. A brain on stress and trauma and not winning that inner battle of maintain reason and order over one’s own emotions is just weak. It takes a lot of thinking power to rationalize stressful situations in a way to understand things at the deeper level. This requires learning concepts and remembering experiences that have arose. This is the essence of a case study from being non biased and accounting for situations that arise from both sides. It cannot be a win never lose mind set and be fair, and things cannot become personalized like this when what was perceived as something does not mount up to when someone does not mount up to what is assumed predicted or expected of a category you placed them in. This is why categorical thinking should be avoided, because it does not differentiate two facts within the same category meaning all it see’s is one side. It does not see the big picture, instead only seeing boundaries. I would not trust anyone’s judgement that promotes or pushes practices of this nature and at this level. It is 2023 just a little more discrimination, hate and create a social movement any way we can get it. Hell, why not? Serves us best. I had to add to this and post it today 9/7/23 because more assaults taking place underground towards me. Tonight waking on & off through the night symptoms of the toxicity that keep being spread. Really the LACSD had a policy put into place by Villanueva? Then WTF is happening he said on his radio program that he did this to try to do the right thing. What is doing the right thing? To protect the idealism of democracy so that citizens of the nation aren’t treated in a barbarious fashion like the promoted by evil tyranny? The world is not that messed up (Donald Trump may have thought so), but Trumpism still prevails and these ideologies and extreme practices adapted here in Long Beach that I began experiencing long ago now are still underway here as a practice and I am not appalled the craziness has been a form of psychoeducation for me I seek the truth not the flattery of my ego. The grandiosity altered delusional state of power to the degree of a demigod this person greater than human but less that God is lacking a soul a bitter heart tainted by evil that of no conscience nor remorse lacking being in tun to thyself lacking the ability to feel and care for the humanity of others. But blatant disregard and unable to stop even in an organization that promotes dignity is a disconnect from self using the power for the resource of underground destruction inflamed by a broken person and in the process of bringing many to his level sure despotism surely to leave a path of destruction in everything that comes his way. Stand with me in this fight against evil
  

  • this was a copy of an email sent to perrin41 on September 7, 2023 in an effort to keep tabs of the negative experiences that I am experiencing and where I see that they are coming from.