(30) The Hatefest continues

Tonight it’s 2:20 am haven lots of stomach discomfort, Couple hours ago laying on couch feeling something like nervous system acting weird. I am a critic now or am I just explaining the experience that I am going through. A friend called today he always talks about spiritual stuff. This often leads me into topics regarding what I learned at school. Really feeling bad though these guys got me good tonight. You think I am being micro- managed, and someone is hyper critical of me. Sensitive to a voice when I share just how messed up someone’s spirit must be that would take measures to act out towards someone in the manner that is being directed towards me.

In the hierarchy of primates, the aggressive males have a natural tendency to bully those lower on the hierarchy as a way to be at the top. They are mean and cruel to the point of the one being bullied having to leave the group for his very own safety and survival. I was just buying food at Villa market on sante fe avenue on the other side of town this evening; you know one of those God given inalienable rights that is a mechanism of survival. Either way a sure bully tactic is to hunt down and the experience I have had is a total threat to my very survival. I am hated and that is a kind description of what I deem as the spirit of what the individual that has it out for me holds towards me. It is unbelievable that someone can have for such a length of time the hatred at this level. This is like a modern-day lynching, and absolutely out of control.

Where is the respect my first semester off after eight years and sixteen semesters of schooling? I am constantly getting grilled what is happening here constant hate crimes. To have an assault in the way I feel from food or what I drank is so belittling that it is hard to describe. This has happened so many times on & off from 2007- 2010 then consistently from 2015 and is still ongoing. What am I experiencing right now? It just makes me hurt physically and emotionally so sad that people can be so cruel to me. I feel cool on my mouth lips and stomach is aching. If you read and study the atrocities in history, you do not want ethnic cleansing or genocide repeating itself. Look what is happening in Ukraine as I write this. What am I supposed to expect another miracle from my body with such a constant ongoing assault? Is this displaced aggression, an addiction to power, or way of life? Fricken killing me I love my life.

Everyone is playing everyone against each other and showing off toward one another down there wanting to be the macho man. When your tough as a human it doesn’t come by utilizing a top hierarchical position and using it with an entitlement by showing off, being aggressive, abusive, and acting with deep hatred towards others. Reinforcing strength is reciprocal in humanity and it is tougher when you can let others be strong every once in a while. Serious personality flaw to impose so much negativity and pain onto someone never realizing how you affect them but only trying to satisfy an angry hateful disposition that is never be satisfied.