(80) This post contains 2 emails sent from me to myself from last week. That is until I experienced effects early this morning from more retribution being directed at me.

perrin41@aol.com 

From:perrin41@aol.com

To:PERRIN PEREZ

Fri, Mar 8 at 12:53 PM

Feeling not real perfect this morning when laying down to go to sleep then just getting up and writing out the report of my negative experiences is the first thing I should have done and reporting the scandalous corrupt extremism is the first thing that I should have done, and I am glad I did. This morning after lying down to go to sleep around ridiculous like around geez what was it 6;45 am. Sometime after while sleeping laying there I had the heart start drifting around knowing that it's something that I ingested I just rode it out and just lie there through it. Is this scary or even angering you know I do not experience anxiety and my nervous system is calm and in a good state I think this sucks and it is not fair and it hurts when people are cruel and mean, but I use logic not respond by emotion And this is why I push for the information I have learned in regards to everyone getting the higher capacity of their human functioning so they can reap the benefits as well. The sauna keyed me in that I would experience something and sure enough I did. Yesterday I had to get out of the sauna by 12 min due to heart beat not steady and speeding up just like what Id due to check how after I'd experienced what I thought was an assault to predict how bad of an experience I'd have but also be aware not to go push it all hard in a workout like I often due then have some negative experience that could threaten my health and even life.    

I am bummed the guy is struggling, but also I expected it in a sense just not to the degree that of not moving forward with such a big responsibility. The autobiographical self- creativity, imagination, reason, language, extended memory and anticipated future is a great maybe you can say model or framework to seek as a referendum of how someone portrays sapience or tunes in to their consciousness in a way that promotes homeostasis and well-being of the mind or not. I indicate two extremes of function based off structure that the human organism becomes structured in a way that a person does not portray well- being based on functional environment, then how a person becomes structured based on adapting in a way that promotes well-being.

Nonetheless, as perception, interpretation, cognition/emotion, and volition become involved it's simple to see if someone is motivated through a state of despair or generativity. I am just one example in the cog of the bigger wheel of Americans and it means so much to me as a people that we don't have to be dependent on one another by weakness and limited vision. instead by being strong and independent we can follow what the great Steve covey pronounced as character ethic and acting interdependently alongside one another. Diversity and individual difference is only what makes us unique in the cog of this bigger wheel and it is compassion, the art of caring, through love and acceptance that we can develop and be stronger together.

Not going into great detail of my endeavor of understanding human consciousness. All through my studies this has been my perception in how I interpret others not to judge but to accept, not to react emotionally by not understanding and throwing in the towel and giving up but to love and have the desire to learn and accept others by way of a positive generative drive through gratitude and to want to see this for others as well. To tune into our rapidly evolving cognition, emotion and intuition, to discriminate my own thinking rather than be blind-sided by it, to refuse superficial or subjective nature by not tuning out, instead by trying harder by tuning in to the complexity of being human by accepting and making meaning of our own suffering and the suffering of others is to me the most importance of volition's which is a key component of higher executive functioning (seeking objective truth) which is that of integrity and human dignity.       

On Friday, March 8, 2024 at 06:39:21 AM PST, perrin41@aol.com <perrin41@aol.com> wrote:

Monday morning woke up late and was foggy minded and experienced this today Thursday March 7.

Stomach discomfort also accompanied the negative experience. Warrior society warrior society still active taking justice into their own hands. Another thing Monday morning may have been Tuesday but was my cat having a really bad reaction as well. He has been sleeping on top of the couch ever since not friendly and energetic as usual. Once again, I drank the same water that I poured in his bowl.

One thing this administration thing at LACSD is that if someone has tattoo if this affiliates them with a gang or not. A symbol just like a category does not imply character or behavior. Just like the leader if he condones outlawed practices that go underground to push people around whether it be his employees on or off duty or even contracted people that this is not policy nor is it in the job duty classification. Actually, it relates back to a faulty character and personality type that is unfolding in an unhealthy way to compensate for the needs to be met. Lacking healthy boundaries, emotional regulation, being morally disengaged or lacking empathy, coupled with being addicted to negative emotions like anger and disgust are all synonymous with becoming addicted to adverse behaviors and leadership styles like sadistic authoritarianism.

 When experiencing being singled out, bullied and having assaults on my health 16+ years ago I would go to the gymn to the sauna as a way to detox and when hit with something heavy it would be a predictor what to expect if my heart would race in the sauna causing me to get out of it before the half hour that is usually not a problem for me. Thursday 3/7/24 I went to the sauna and sure enough I had to get out within 15 minutes due to heart doing weird stuff. This was important back in the day cause if stuff was in my system at least in the sauna I could get an idea before finding out in some workout. I am sure I will have a toxic cough come for a few days soon. I am up now at 3:00 am writing this cause I layed down and just was not comfortable. My coworker got frustrated Thursday morning just like on Tuesday because I didn’t make it to work like we’d planned.

Understanding things at the deeper level due to personal functionality (i.e., empathically attuned), brain structure, personal experience and continued education I always seek objective truth from a structuralist large picture approach. I would hope that I have something to offer in the grand scheme of things since this is one reason why I chose to go back to school in 2006. Sure happy that I did and stuck with it, because I had no idea that I was going to have a stigma placed upon me. in the form of being categorized as someone that does not belong, therefore the status quo in a very aggressive confirmative way going on 17+ years now continually post hoc rationalizing trying to show see we are right. Is this even possible?

Yes, It has been and what I learned in one class that the studies show when a subordinate challenges the status quo like for the label that is pressed upon them that this instigates hatred and violence at the highest level.

I agree and my experience shows that this is 100% true. Therefore, I feel I have a fiduciary duty not only to protect those that are friends or believe in me from being intimidated, manipulated, or abused. Even more a fiduciary duty against the superficial one-sided nature of dichotomous thinking that leads to categorizing people without truly understanding the whole person. This is what happens often in the medical system where people are misunderstood for situations of trauma where child maltreatment experiences have led to symptoms, behavioral and/or learning disabilities.

I really believe that simplified thinking and lackluster functioning that lead to ineffective assuming predicting or expecting through a very subjective basis is what leads to a multitude of negative scenarios for everyone involved. Whether it be identity politics, tribal politics and cancel culture when frustrations rise from issues that go unresolved. Even the people making the misjudgments suffer because taking the easy route when it doesn’t work out as expected can lead to unneeded stress and burnout.

There are many developmental scenarios from too much stress that accumulate over a lifetime that compromise neural functioning like the maladaptive stress response. These scenarios vary in extrema and in context (i.e., individual differences), yet the goal should be the same, which is to keep mental health at a healthy level for optimal human functioning. No doubt these differences are correlated to human functioning/neural structure and how well people adapt emotionally to life's experiences affects these structures which will follow with how they will view, treat and accept others in a rational healthy way or not. Understanding these individual differences aligned with life experiences and how the variance of positive or negative affect outcomes contributes to the motivations, personalities and why we do the things that we do and how this effects others at the micro and macro level is very important,

In my studies I have found that burnout can lead to becoming addicted to the emotion of disgust and that if addicted to the emotion of disgust that this is apathy. Single handedly, apathy is repressing, and Psychologist Rollo May said, if not addressed to fill the void of the vacuum that the person in this state experiences that they will act implosively or explosively and that it is just a matter of time for something to set them off. Apathy being on the fence, and the gateway to hell emotionally speaking evil is the next stop.  Once repressive apathy sets in so comes lacking to seek meaning in one's life, which conflict of the subconscious mind will evolve due to unresolved issues becoming deep-seated. This compounded stress state left unaddressed creates turmoil and as the subconscious shifts due to lacking a solid foundation of the mind the person will become emotionally unstable. Therefore, you will see negative emotions like anger, and hate rise to the surface as negative affect in the nervous system creates a heightened state of anxiety and depression. Too much stress results in trauma of the mind a state of deindividuation from a lack of deeper meaning, empathy and compassion which results in a change in neural structure from the dissociating and disconnecting of neural circuitry in the form of the maladaptive stress response. Impulse and chaos will take residence of the mind and the persons functionality due to an alteration of these neural structure's and the connectivity between them. 

A loss of self-awareness and individuality of character from polarized group dynamics like groupthink lead to the same anatomy changes in the brain that take away from the neural structure needed for optimal cognitive functioning of the human organism. Social validation is powerful just like rejection, yet acting in ways as part of a group in ways that that you would never act on your own is cognitive dissonance. This dissociating is like a rejection of self which the conflict within will depend on how you were raised, taught to act, values you once held in comparison to the extreme to how you are actually acting. These behaviors lead to two opposing thoughts within in the mind which create tension and the maladaptive stress response in the same brain regions that are affected by PTSD. This is not worth it because PTSD is very difficult to treat.

Not adapting in a healthy way to psychosocial stress in life's daily experiences in relation to the environment one creates in their own mind may instigate the fight/flight response along with a host of stress hormones and chemicals that are hard on the brain. Compassion regulates sympathetic arousal calming the fight/flight response via negative feedback loops of the parasympathetic HPA response.  I like to compare it to mountain bike racing. The fitness level needed for cross country racing is too high to retain for the whole season so training has to be done through periodization based on A-B-C priority races so peak training for A priority races can be done, while B and C races are not trained at such an intensity for. You just cannot run it hard all the time or you will burnout. Burnout leads to injury and setbacks that for the serious racer he can avoid by training smarter. In sports burnout and overtraining often come from biomechanical issues of the body, but when psychosocial stress is involved with functioning maladaptively it is often these changes to the brain that plays tricks on your thinking.

Recent studies show that disgust is a precursor to doubt, and that this can control your motivations at varying degrees based on a continuum of extremes. Cognitive biases like confirmation bias often come about automatically, for example, stimulus generalization may be tripped up by one brain region the insula cortex that normally makes a person get sick to their stomach from rancid food. Instead issue of this less-than-optimal functioning from of the human organism is moral disgust from visceral forces (i.e., insula cortex) tied to non-verbal body cues that will make a person feel sick to their stomach from things that seem repugnant to them. Lacking reason when the higher executive center of brain responsible for cognitive organizing that normally dictate cognitive cues aligned with memory and emotion become dormant. In contrast reason and order may subside when emotional avenues become out of one's control when anxiety and fear conditioning take the primary residence in a person's mind.

The goal is for a neural structure that adapts to controlled thinking like the model that cognitive psychologist Geore Kelly created and explains how our brain can work as a supercomputer. For me I explain the cross-country mountain bike racing training I used when I raced because it was beneficial to me. If I was going to invest a lot of time training, I wanted to be sure to get the most out of my training so that I would get better results in the races that I entered. This is great and all it is a hobby but what about being in an organization that when you make decisions that these decisions will play either a positive or negative role in the lives of others. Seems pretty serious since the very way that we ourselves chose to or naturally adapt to stress can lead to brain development that leads to effective or ineffective functioning.

Pathology meaning doing all the wrong things for the wrong reasons may seem normal to some when the emotional brain is acting on instinct disconnected from the healthy regulative cognition needed to tap into all those learned experiences of extended memory stored in your memory centers in the hippocampus.  When inhibited to a certain degree (i.e., maladaptive stress response) or disconnected  (i.e., amygdala hijack) between cortical and subcortical neural regions takes place  and a person becomes emotionally dysregulated then working memory goes by the wayside leading the person to find it more difficult to learn, instead  becoming hyper-focused on fear and threat leading them to be narrowminded- not living for the future but instead living for the moment.  Sounds like a recipe for categorical thinking which does not differentiate between two different facts within a category, only see’s boundaries, and does not see the big picture.

Its like what about Moral reasoning at this point?

Lawrence Kohlberg shows these sequential stages of moral development:

Preconventional moral reasoning- you behave because you do not want to get caught.

Conventional moral reasoning- law an order social norms societal/ cultural expectations for moral development

Postconventional moral reasoning- is a more sophisticated transcendent moral reasoning. For example, civil disobedience and not taking the path of least resistance, because of trying to right a wrong since your able to understand it in ways that others can't.

For the pathological minded it is a bit worrisome since it seems they would experience moral disengagement lacking a moral conscience. Don’t see people just social issues. Harvard Psychologist Herbert Kellman speaks of a person that prescribes to Rule/Compliance orientation in his Crimes of Obedience book. Almost like a comply or die people that prescribe to this thinking are all about the social reward at all costs and lack any kind of moral reasoning in doing so to attain the social reward. Like a token of their success this insufficiently socialized individual is motivated by an external locus of control and prone to adverse behaviors due to external validation not being self-reinforcing.

I have a wide array of understanding and explaining the individual differences of human consciousness. But like for me if I use post conventional moral reasoning to look within to understand the suffering of others and can understand the stages of development that the many stages of development may evolve from it does not do a dam bit of good especially since  a person in despair or pathology see’s everything as a threat so like all extremist sadistic authoritarians are compelled to silence, and remove any learning or any person that threatens their underground criminal enterprise.

I have a fiduciary duty when aware of someone that is unaware and lacks insight on the threat, they pose to themselves, members in society and others within the organization that get caught up in extreme practices that are based on a lack of restraint and increased arousal.   

I was an insider growing up in the household and also later as an outsider experiencing the goods and bads that come from what one could say differences between bottom-up vs. top-down hierarchical leadership.

I did not look up anything wrote it all on the top of my head. I can back up with references all points made.

I see one concern that an organization can only be run so hard before stress sets in leading to burnout and the psychological and negative mental health implications set in.

The guy attacking me, my identity and my health is a thief, and is in a horrible state of mental decline. The man is acting in and on evil pretenses that promote extremism not only risking his integrity in the organization but a health risk to anyone that he sees as a challenge to him. Which may be a value driven person that questions everything like me. Kellman calls this internalization and the least likely to follow practices that are crimes of obedience even if they were orders handed from those above. My post conventional moral reasoning gets me into trouble, even though I do not react emotionally in a negative way.

My resolve is not to judge but to understand others not from the standpoint of what they are, instead based on who they are. This takes sapience (i.e., the ability to possess wisdom), which it is rewarding to find resolve that is reciprocal and based on compromise. Getting along and growing together by accepting the differences of others is one reason why I share the need to function in a way that promotes optimal functioning of the human organism. The country is divided, and we are not given an instruction manual for human development over the span of a lifetime. Nonetheless, it is very important the basis of our democracy was founded of the principles of all men are created equal and the character ethic- internalization of a value driven life. The contrast is the personality ethic- externally driven coming from lackluster adapting to stress and trying to find ways to cope rather than from tuning into ones suffering and the suffering of others to find the deeper meaning from within.

notes added for clarity:

• This is not a report, instead it is an effort to share because I care. Times are tough, the country is struggling to stay connected and if there are mental health issues within an organization and my experiences and knowledge are able to be of any kind of resolve to help then you can bet that I am going to be right here to offer any assistance that I can. The consequences are too high for too many.
  

• Paul Ryan a few weeks ago mentioned that he believes that Donal trump is about two things either it is all about him or that it is all about retribution.

• The brain is fragile due to it being malleable because of its neuroplasticity. We cannot overlook this and push everyone to the brink of destruction. Being perfect should never overstep the realities of being human.
  

• This means that anyone is susceptible to the ill-fated effects of too much stress, and that is that it takes away from the best part of you which is you. When this happens everyone hurts and the person that is hurting the most just cannot see it, therefore they just do not know what to do.
  

• "Trauma fogs the mirror and distorts the window. We then can't see ourselves as we are, and we can't view the differences of others as anything other than harmful. This needs to change" Paul Conti, MD
  

• I was a family member and seen the struggles that evolved within my own family from my dad being stuck in the middle of on the job polarized group dynamics while working on the Pike. When he started coming home way late from work after staying out drinking then ultimately not coming home and going home with other ladies led to my mom being hospitalized with a nervous breakdown. The consistency of the family fell apart which studies show cause the children high stress. After my mom came back after a long while, she just could not do this anymore, so tried to get her life on track, which led to further inconsistencies. The stress ultimately led to and affected the subdivisions within the family- the children.

• This is enough of a reason not to push an over exacerbated agenda that creates much more stress than is needed. In a job that comes across so many hardships in society it is very difficult to stay aligned with the core identity by staying grounded and in tune with one's own individuality of character and self-awareness. But the tool that keeps a solid core identity is the structure that stress takes away. The functional ability to stay rational over one's emotion by making deeper meaning of each stimulus- response interaction, rather than being stuck in negative emotional states that lead to acting on impulse and chaos.
  

• The increase of inner-peace and higher cognitive capacity when the optimal functional structure of the human organism is in homeostasis is just too good. Living a life of higher self-consciousness that is aligned with values to create deeper meaning of the authentic self brings about a genuine happiness and contentment for all that just cannot be beat.